Yeah…  it’s like tunnel vision.  I can’t explain it.  

In the middle of my normal Thursday night outing with friends, I saw you.  I saw the license plate on the truck you’re driving pull into the lot, and from that second forward, I was unable to see or hear anything else that was going on around me.  I fixated on your driving style that I’ve come accustomed to over the years.  I saw you get out of the truck and walk with that same stride I’ve noticed since your body started hating you years ago.  

And it was hard not to notice that pile of crap you’re with pour her gross self out of your passenger side like Saturday night vomit.  

I’d hate you if I could.  But you’re my father.  I can’t hate you.  I have to love you.  I’m doomed to do that until you die…until I die.  I love you; but I don’t like you.  I hate everything you’ve become.  

It would be much harder if I had to explain to my kids why you’re not around…but what’s ironic about you not caring about them, is that they don’t even know you exist.  That at least makes this a lot easier. 

But it doesn’t stop my blood from boiling when I think about you, or your nauseating wife…or all the things you’ve said and done since last year and your obvious alienation of the being you once referred to as your number 1 son.